OMG... 'Confusion maxima'.. That should be the phrase I should attach to my name..
I am often always confused.. Confused as to what decision to take, which course to follow, which friend to meet, what to eat, which book to read.. and so on and so forth.. :-(
I often wonder why I get torn apart in between choices so badly.. Say, if given 2 options, I always prefer BOTH.. :-D .. God knows what would happen if I participate in shows like "xxx ka Swayamvar" et al.. :-P
Being the LIBRAN that I am, I have always been like this. Today, I changed my blog template for the umpteenth time.. I never seem to get pleased with any template; even if I do, I never know which one pleases me the most.. I have used almost all the templates blogspot has to offer.. plus, have tried other tutorials too.. But nothing seems to fit the bill.. Minima, Rounders, Scribe, Harbor, Denim, Snapshot, Thisaway, Tictac.. have tried all at least once.. :-P
On the flip side, this attitude of mine works positively for me as well.. Because in the process of deciding what to do (and what not to do), I often end up thinking so much that maximum light is thrown on all aspects concerning the point.. It helps me a lot when brainstorming with friends on many issues..
But, still, I am confused.. Is this attitude of mine more of a boon or a curse?? Maybe... BOTH... :-D
A lump in the throat, a pinch in the heart, unspoken words, moist eyes, crying thoughts…
Separation from a loved one is very agonizing… The moments spent, the happiness shared, the songs sung, the laughs laughed, the fights fought, the love expressed; will be the only things that would be left with me…
The final “bye”… I wanna be with him, yet I don’t wanna be with him when he would head off. Witnessing the departure by my own eyes is something for which I don’t have any strength.
I thought a thousand times as to whether I should ask him to stop; to not leave me & go. But the reasons for going are unavoidable. I know he has to go. The feeling is that of desertion. My heart yearns; for a one last moment, a one last hug, a one last glance into his eyes, a one last peck with love… I wish the world could stop! I wish I had the power to hold time and live in his arms forever!
But, then, it’s not possible… All good things have to end. These moments would also end. What happened was very good, very loving!
Still I know & hope, that the way bad supersedes good, one day good would also supersede bad. He will come back for me. He will be there for me… close to me… again in the same old way... with the same old enchanting love…
Everyday when I open my eyes to the sun’s first rays in the morning, I wonder how many more days will I get to live like this. Lying on my warm and cozy bed I always feel that there would be a time when all this would cease to exist. My mother who always gets me a cup of tea when I get up, my father who without fail wishes me a ‘good morning’ each day with a big smile, my kid nephew who comes to me for a kiss on his forehead the first thing in the morning and all such events of small happiness & the feeling of being at home… how long will all of this stay with me? Life moves along. I would have to forsake all this some day either when I get married or when I leave for further studies or a job. Life would never be the same. My house, my room, my study table, my dressing table, my pet birds, my pet fishes… how long will I be able to stay with them in the same way as I am living now? This feeling sent a shiver down my spine.
There is a typical question you are always asked in an interview, “Where do you see yourself in xx years?” (xx being anything ranging from 3 to 15). The answer to this, as many people know, is either ‘at a big position earning whole lots of money’ or ‘having a business of your own’. I asked myself this same question. The answer I got was, “I don’t know. But all I know is that, then, I won’t be as happy as I am now. Because nothing of what is there in my life would exist in the same way as it is now.”
There are so many people on this earth who are not happy with the way they are living their life currently. They crib, complain about small inconveniences, hurl abuses at the slightest of frustrations, fight with their family, hit their wives and kids… the list is exhausting. The fact is they’d never be happy how much ever they get in life, because most of them link happiness to money. They slog right since their childhood, keep studying, earn degrees, get a good job, get a girl/guy, get married, but still keep slogging. Where is the time for real happiness?
This was the time when I thought that I too am doing all of this right since I was born. I was never happy with the way I used to look, with my mark-sheet, my friends, my wardrobe, my school, blah blah… I kept slogging little realizing that God had indeed given me umpteen happy moments which I always managed to overlook due to constant sorrow over some things I never had but others had.
Shortly after that, I decided that I would list down all the moments when I was really happy and look at that list whenever I felt that I was lacking something. The list was so exhaustive that I almost forgot I was ever unhappy. I became aware of the joy around me and the little time for which it would stay with me. It gave me a very happy feeling that I have many a things for which I should be thankful to the Almighty. We all have such moments of exultation in our life, but, for the time being. Therefore, I urge all you people to look around you carefully, notice the small things in life. Reminisce about the moments that made you happy or even better, jot them down. Don’t miss that chance of living and re-living such moments. They would give you the peace you need in life but they would never come back. So, value your life, value the little happiness you have in it instead of crying for what you don’t have and spoiling even the joy you could have actually had.
Just for sharing with you readers; listed below are SOME of such moments in my life which gave me immense happiness (starting in ascending order of my age):
1. Small glimpses of my first birthday are still embedded in my mind when my brother lifted me and kissed me happy birthday and I cut the largest & sweetest cake of my life.
2. At the age of 3, when mom came to pick me up after the first day of my nursery school, I was so so so happy to have seen her that I started wailing.
3. When I used to go to the temple with my father, he never used to allow me to walk and always used to lift me in his arms. I still remember how protected I used to feel in his arms.
4. When I made my first friend in nursery school, I realized we both shared a common name and she was very friendly. She is still a best friend of mine.
5. In the year when I turned 14, 5 friends of mine and I went to the terrace of our building on the 31st of December at 11.45pm and flew a left-over Diwali rocket in the sky at exactly 12.00am and welcomed the new year, hugging each other and eating sweets.
6. On the first day of my Degree College, all students were ragged but somehow I was left because there wasn’t much time left for the day… (What a relief that was!) :-)
7. My 18th birthday, when my entire college group of 7 guys and a girl came rushing into my house unannounced, I was left dumbstruck as I wearing a gown and had half-done my make up.. (
8. The days of college when I used to travel with my friends in the local train from Churchgate to Kandivali, were the best days of my life. We used to play all sorts of games from Antakshari to what not and used to be head turners for all the other passengers.
9. The day when I was sitting in a restaurant and having tea with my best friend. He happened to roll up a ball of tissue paper which he flung aimlessly. It went flying into a South Indian lady’s cup of tea behind me. I remember her hurling unheard abuses in her language. I have had the heartiest laugh of my life that day.
10. I remember very well the most successful presentation I gave in my college life. My professor, with whom I was loggerheads in the beginning, actually told me later during one of our online chats that he was proud of me. I have never ever felt more satisfied in my life.
11. I received an unexpected call from one of the MNCs after graduation saying that I had cleared the interview and that I was selected. The icing on the cake was that my best female friend and I got placed in the same firm.
12. One of the latest events that gave me happiness was; when I, along with a friend, went up on the escalators but in the opposite direction. We both were a sight to see with all others around us, cheering and clapping for us.
For all of you reading this; if you think this list is complete and has only 12 events, then you’re wrong. Because there are 1000s of such events which crossed my mind while writing this, but due to space, time and personal issues I have not listed them down.
I urge all of you to do this. Trust me, it has left me with a reason to live life happily and thank God for all those 1000+ events he has bestowed upon me so far…
Happy Diwali to all of you… and live a happy life with full of happy events… :-)
Looking up at the blues, I sip it on… Watching the birds perched few, I sip it on… Wondering what went wrong, I sip it on… Life is not very long, I sip it on…
I took a close look at you, Filled with brown dew; Covered with a white sheath, You fill me with happy heat!
I kissed you at the base, And took a deep breath in haste; You exited me as a snow white cloud, And engulfed me in a heavenly shroud.
I felt a feeling I never felt before, Like sitting on heaven’s shore; Something lifted me high, And pulled me towards the sky.
You have filled me with euphoria, I feel I have reached utopia; I love you, my long white friend, I wonder why people call you a fiend! ...................................................
Statutory Warning: Cigarette smoking is injurious to health
This poem was written after I heard my friend describing to me how heavenly it was for him when he first had had a smoke. Thereafter, he became a chain smoker. I strongly recommend to all reading this... smoking just to show off or to bust stress, is no good. Once you start with it and become regular, you will find it very difficult to wean yourself off it, if you get addicted. So, please stay away from tobacco and do not cut short your already pollution-stricken short life...
I am never really inspired by any words of wisdom or any human being as such. Neither do any acts nor do any words of preaching make me alter my way of looking at life. I live by my own principles and thoughts.
For the first time, I happened to get inspired from this one book I read recently. It left such an impact on me that today I know what I lack and what I ought to change in me to improve my weaknesses.
The book differentiated between "selfish" people and "selfless" people. But the shocking aspect was that it upheld the values of selfish people and made them seem nobler than selfless people. The book said that selfless people preach altruism and consider others before self. The selfish people consider self before others. But there's no wrong to it. These so called selfless people are always bothered about others. They give charities, attend preachings by religious saints, act as philanthropists; but they do it only for the world to say that they are noble individuals. They want to be seen as great, they want other people to help them to fame and achieve the goals they had set for themselves. Their lives have no meaning. Such people are also called as "second-handers".
God has given each individual his own ability to think and decide. Each human has the right to think his own way and live & decide for himself. Selfish people think about self. These selfish people were the "creators". Creators of various inventions that are helping us live our lives today. But they never thought of others when they created something. The creators of "fire", "wheel" were all shunned in the very beginning. These creators thought individually because they had a selfish vision which helped them create with their own thought-process. Every man who invented, invented because he needed it for his own self. Such selfishness which leads to the betterment of all cannot be wrong.
The "second-handers" as mentioned above, do not have any brain of their own. They always want to know what others think of them. They quote famous proverbs and cliches rather than making their own. They act in order to be noticed, praised, to become famous. They have no life. They follow, copy, and act as desired by others. They think with umpteen other brains but forget that they have been given one by the Almighty. The best example is the fad for "zero-size". No one ever thought for himself whether it was correct or whether it brought happiness to one. No one ever aspired & worked for zero-size because it was their vision. All who worked for it, worked because a famous celebrity and the society preached that it makes one look stunning and ravishing. These "second-handers" were selfless, because they achieved that coveted body just so that others could look at them and include them in the elite category of "zero-size".
"Second-handers" believe in collectivism and selfish people believe in individualism, the self. The selfish or the creator always stands alone because he is opposed by many, who are the "second-handers". These "second-handers" do not have the courage to be the one who is correct and hence, opposed. If the society keeps thinking in such a manner then, true progress will never be attainable. Selfish people aren't bad. It's just that since ages our forefathers considered the word "selfish" to be a synonym for "evil". And just because we are "second-handers", we kept believing in this trend all throughout. It's time to break out of our so-called thinking which is based on others and have our own say on everything that concerns self.
Being selfish does NOT mean being rude and hurting others for pleasure of self. Truly selfish people never derive happiness or sorrow from others. They get it from their "self". Others never come into the picture. Being selfish means living for self without thinking what others would think of one. They are independent and free of all prejudices. They think, create, destroy, but all for their own self.
Lastly, the greatest irony is that I would love to follow all what the author has preached in his book and start being selfish, but then, wouldn't it make me a "second-hander"?
OMG... 'Confusion maxima'.. That should be the phrase I should attach to my name..
